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Subj: HERE ARE THE HOLIDAYS OF MARCH 12 - 25

HERE ARE THE HOLIDAYS OF MARCH 12 - 25

SUN MAR 12:Fireside Chat Anniversary Day
    Girl Scout Day
    Mauritus Independence Day
    St. Gregory's Day
    Anniversary of the death of Sun Yat-Sen (China)
    Moshoeshoe's Day (Lesotho)
MON MAR 13:Liberian Decoration Day
WED MAR 15:Andrew Jackson Day
    Anniversary of the Bloodless Revolution (Hungary)
    J.J.Roberts Birthday (Liberia)
THR MAR 16:Feast of Spring (Lithuania)
FRI MAR 17:St. Patrick's Day
    Evacuation Day
    Eire Day
    World Maritime Day
    Campfire Founder's Day
SAT MAR 18:Sheelah's Day
SUN MAR 19:St. Joseph's Day
    Swallow's Day
MON MAR 20:National Agriculture Day
    Tunesia Independence Day
TUE MAR 21:Memory Day
    Fragrance Day
    Iran New Year
    Sham Al-Nessim (The Smelling of Spring, Egypt)
    Spring Day (Iraq)
    International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination
WED MAR 22:Abolition Day
    Arab League Day
    National Tree Planting Day (Lesotho)
THR MAR 23:Jamhuriya-e Pakista (Islam)
    Anniversary of the Founding of Fascism (Italy)
    World Meteorological Day
SAT MAR 25:Lady Day (UK)
    Maryland Day
    Greek Independence Day
    Lapp Lady Day (Finland)
    Day of Youth-Marshall Tito's Birthday (Yugoslavia)
    Universal Vote Day (San Marino)
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THIS WEEK'S TRIVIA QUESTION:
The Pennsylvania Dutch call it schmierk„se. What do most of us Know it
as?
LAST WEEK'S TRIVIA:
You're on the beach. You pick up a seashell, and you claim to hear the
ocean, but what do you really hear?
ANS:The echo of the blood pulsing in your ear.
BONUS:From above, What day was Memory Day?
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Today, 101 excuses will be sent with this letter.
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THE THREE LITTLE POLITICALLY CORRECT PIGS

Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual respect
and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were indigenous
to the area, they each built a beautiful house. One pig built a house of
straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay, and creeper
vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they were
finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to
live in peace and self-determination.

But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf
with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry, in both the
physical nad ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the
house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs
defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny.
So he huffed and he puffed and he blew down the house of straw.
The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot
pursuit. Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves bought up
the land and started a banana plantation. At the house of sticks, the
wolf again banged on the door and shouted,

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted, "Go , you carnivourous, imperialistic oppressor!"

At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself:
"They are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go,
but progress cannot be stopped."

So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks.
The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels.
Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo
resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass
reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops,
snorkeling, and dolphin shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote
letters of protest to the United Nations.

By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the
situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and he puffed,
and huffed and puffed, the grabbed his chest and fell over dead of a
massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a
little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate
their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been
forced off their lands. Their new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort
complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf
opressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle
in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy
with free education, universal health care, and affordable housing for
everyone.

Please Note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No actual
wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.

excerpt from J.F.Garner's book "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories."
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"If you see a fork in the road, take it." -Yogi Berra

Slama Sidhi Barakas,
Brent

P.S. Of course, no list next week; it will be sent early thursday the next week.